It has struck me at several points during the current Covid crisis of 2020 that this SHOULD have been a really great time to get back into my dilating. I've literally been at home every day with lots of spare time. But it hasn't been a good year for it. Earlier this afternoon I cracked open a sort of basic diary I had been keeping, sporadically, of my therapy sessions and dilating progress in 2019. I was alarmed to find that my last entry in 2020 was 3 months ago, and the time before that.. Well.. I didn't dare to look but at least 7 months. Lots of guilt.
So it is safe to say that I have been taking an extended break from dilating. And I think that's OK.
Just like every single person out there the crisis has radically changed my lifestyle. I had to give up a new job, move back to the UK at great expense, into the family home and join the millions out there looking for work. It has been a stressful and emotional time, but I'm immensely grateful that my family are OK.
So it's OK that I haven't used every single day of the past six months dilating. I can't imagine anything more unhelpful than beating myself up about the lack of progress this year. 2019 was a year of dramatic personal improvement for me, including with dating, dilating and therapy. I still have all of those wins and I'm proud of it. I need to remember to be kind to myself and focus on going forwards, not punishing myself by thinking where I could have been.
At the same time as being compassionate to myself about this, I know that I am someone that will create a gazillion excuses in order to avoid dilating. So without putting too much pressure on myself, I'm back in the game baby!
Watch this space.
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