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Dilating Diaries - Procrastination & Dilating in the bath

Procrastination, motivation (lack of) and mermaiding. The summary of my week.


How do you keep yourself motivated day after day to keep going with the dilators? I really struggle with this. And I don't really know what the answer is. Some days I can find my motivation but most of the time I really can't.


I start and then I stop, then I start, and then I stop again. Then I start, and this time it will absolutely be it. I will continue daily. And I do. Until I stop again. SIGH.


This week I spent a long time thinking (procrastinating) about why I can't stick to a routine. I think, bizarrely, that it boils down to fear of pain. I make a lot of excuses for why I can't dilate and engage in a serious amount of avoidance as a result. I have analysed what this looks like for me and put together a helpful post on this, coming out next week.



Dilating progress

Shockingly, I'm still on dilator numero 3. No big surprises there but at least I haven't gone down a step!


I did decide to shake things up a bit this week and try to tackle some of the bullshit excuses I use to get out of dilating sessions: 1) It's too cold, 2) I have no privacy, 3) I don't have time, 4) Low libido.


I tackled the four excuses with two changes: dilating in the bath (tackles 1 & 2) and dilating without introducing arousal (tackles 3 & 4).


Dilating in the bath: Deliciously relaxing


At first I was apprehensive because it was outside of my usual safe bedroom space, I thought I might slip all over the place and I was worried about deviating from my favourite water-based lube. But it's ingenious really. It ticks all the boxes. I can lock myself away for a cosy warm relaxing hour to myself and it feels like a little treat. Something I actually want to do! Having a lock on the door means I feel comfortable dilating much earlier in the evening, so I don't have to wait until it's really late at which point I'm too tired.


I ran a hot bath just spent a few minutes just swishing around like a mermaid, enjoying the heat and the feel of the water (it has been a super cold week and I am a water baby!) and then once I was comfy, I started to touch my vulva gently to get it used to the sensation before I started with the dilator. Y'all! Being in the bath helped me to get into a MUCH more comfortable position. When I dilate in bed I put my feet together and let my legs flop out into a butterfly position, but because I'm super inflexible it makes my hips ache a lot. In the bath I could use the sides to prop my legs up a bit - MAGIC! This may not be a problem for those among you that are able to bend yourselves into a pretzel shape but alas my friends, I am more of a baguette.


Something I didn't expect, hilariously, was that I could see my body while I was dilating. It sounds obvious but I hadn't realised quite how disconnected I usually feel from my own body when I'm dilating under the duvet with just my head sticking out. It feels like this is a good thing to get used to, being comfortable with my body.


It's important to mention that if you're planning to dilate in the bath you'll need to find a lube that isn't water-based otherwise it will just disappear - Ouch! I used an oil-based one - YesOB - which worked like a dream. It stayed put in all the right places and felt really luxurious and nice.


Conclusion? Dilating in the bath is bloody lovely and I will definitely be doing it again.


Speeding up a session


The one thing the bath routine did NOT help me with was speeding up my dilating sessions. This week, on a different night, I also tried dilating without introducing arousal. For me this is VERY unusual since I think it's a really important part of the recovery process. Pleasure makes dilating much more enjoyable and a lot easier but it does also add time onto the session. It is nice to be be able to remove it from the equation occasionally when I'm stuck for time or when I'm not in the mood. It's also probably good practice for smear tests since I don't plan on masturbating at the clinic. Frowned upon I believe.


I was INCREDIBLY anxious about dilating without arousal. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I couldn't calm down. My breathing was rapid, my thoughts unfocussed and I felt a general sense of panic. Great start to a session. Somehow I'd got it into my head that I could only dilate with arousal. Arousal is important for penetration but the absence of it shouldn't lead to blind panic for a dilating session.


I debated abandoning the session because it's not usually a good idea to dilate when in such a state but I also thought that avoiding the situation may compound the problem. I decided to proceed very cautiously. At the pace of a baby snail into a strong headwind up a vertical surface. And once I had relaxed, it was actually FINE! Not all that different to recent sessions WITH arousal, except much much slower and required a lot more concentration. But pain scores well within what I usually see. Wahoo!



Looking ahead to next week:


Shark week is in progress, so I'm taking a couple of days off while I mope around feeling like death warmed up. Once that's over I'll get back in the bath and resume mermaid life.


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